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I’d Rather Have a Cupcake by @MissMelisaMae

3
14 Apr 2012
,
by Miss Melisa Mae

“You should try eHarmony.”

So the next time my auntie asks me why I’m still single and tries to “help”

“Huh?”

This unsolicited piece of advice coming from the aunt who apparently thought she was “helping”. The only problem is that we were in the midst of exchanging greetings and cupcake recipes. I’ve often thought back to this very moment and wondered how long she’d been waiting to offer me such valuable and helpful information.

This is why I don’t care much for family functions.

Little did Auntie know that I have tried eHarmony. And Match.com. And Plentyoffish. And several others that have probably gone debunk or been purchased by Mark Zuckerberg.

It wasn’t that I don’t absolutely adore discussing my challenges with commitment over Thanksgiving dinner; I really just didn’t feel like going into a diatribe about my online dating history in front of an audience of children, women wearing polyester, and men in sweater vests.

Naturally, at the mere mention of eHarmony, everyone decided to jump in and share with me how their best friend; Mrs. So & So’s daughter; the grocery store checkout girl; one substitute teacher; a former roommate; and a partridge in a pear tree had all tried online dating and found the “best guy/girl ever”. I’m pretty certain all the fore mentioned have weddings planned for this spring. And I’m not invited to any of them.

So, with a feeling of defeat…

So, with a feeling of defeat and a new mission to never encounter these familial vultures alone again, I went home, logged into my dating account and set out to find the “best guy ever”. After all, if Mrs. So & So’s daughter could find somebody – I certainly could.

That’s when I opened my email and saw this:Tongue 150x150 Id Rather Have a Cupcake by @MissMelisaMae

I logged out of my account, made a vodka tonic and turned on OWN. That episode with the surprise flash-mob for Oprah gets me every time.

So the next time my auntie asks me why I’m still single and tries to “help”, I’m going to pull out the picture of Mr. Tongue and ask her if she could kindly give me the rest of that red velvet cupcake recipe she never finished giving me last November.

If that fails, I’ll just kick her and run away like any mature woman in her 30’s would do.

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Miss Melisa Mae

My mother may or may not have been playing tackle football when 8 months pregnant with me.

You can find me at The Book of Love Was Written by a Sadist Twitter and join my Facebook Page

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  • http://killmenow.org Lawrence

    Reminds me of something similar. My sister got a puppy, the cutest little thing you have ever seen, the puppy of course, not my sister. The puppy and I got on great and I posted pictures of us playing on facebook.

    One associate posted a message, “Why don’t you go to a pub and pick up girls instead of playing with a puppy.”

  • http://www.missmelisamae.com Miss Melisa Mae

    Ouch. As I get older, I find that I have more fun playing with puppies.

  • http://singlegirlblogging.com singlegirlie

    I don’t blame you one bit. A cupcake sounds a helluva lot more appetizing than Mr. Tongue.

    Ew. I wonder how many boxes that tongue has been in. Inboxes, I mean. Online dating e-mail inboxes. Oh, and other boxes, too. Let’s not be coy.

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