Happily Dating a Married Man
Yesterday I went out to dinner with the Architect. He reached across the table to hold my hands and beamed at me. “I love you,” he said. Our waitress overheard this and,
looking at our fingers entwined and the Architect’s wedding band, asked, “Oh, how long have you been married?”. We froze. We laughed. And I said, “Not too long.”
“Oh, how long have you been married?” We froze.
The truth is, I’ve never been married. And the Architect has been married for years. We started dating seven months ago, and each of us was surprised and delighted at the strong connection we both felt. As we continued seeing each other, we wound up falling for each other – and when we said “I love you,” for the first time, it was just a vocalization of what we’d both been feeling for a while.
That first “I love you” happened under some strange circumstances, though, and this isn’t your typical adulterous affair. See, the Architect’s wife is fine with it. I’ve met her, and we get along famously. (What can I say, the Architect has great taste!) His wife and I met for a drink to get to know each other better one night at the bar, after he and I’d been seeing each other a few months. We ended up drinking together, putting lipstick on each other in the ladies’ room, dancing on the bar, and calling the Architect to pick us up since we were in no shape to drive.
Once we were back to their house, she and I and the Architect all ended up in one bed. And after we’d all had some fun together, she left the room for a minute or two – and it was then that I told him I loved him. Because it was then that I realized it. He gave me a brilliant smile, and all three of us fell asleep happy.
All three of us fell asleep happy.
The Architect isn’t the first married person I’ve dated, but he’s the first married person I’ve dated long-term, and with emotions in full bloom. Of course, every other married or committed fellow also had permission from his wife or girlfriend. They practice polyamory, which has lots of different definitions, but boils down to having multiple relationships outside of a primary relationship.
The label “polyamorous” only applies to me in certain regards. I’m just dating non-monogamously as I search for what I really want in a partner. I often laugh with friends that dating is like the thrift store – you have to sort through an awful lot of junk to get those magical too-good-to-be-true deals, but they ARE there to be had. In my non-monogamous dating, I often choose people who are committed elsewhere, precisely because they will be less demanding of my time, my energy, and my emotions.
I wasn’t expecting to find such a fulfilling relationship when the Architect and I started dating – but I am nonetheless thrilled that I have. He sends me a text every couple days, reminding me that he loves me, or he thinks I’m beautiful. He emails me an article if it makes him think of me. We see each other once a week, unless there’s a rare moment we can both steal from our busy schedules.
Both single AND ever-so-satisfied!
The Architect is the perfect anchor for me, as I continue to cast my dating net wide and sort through all the fish I’ve caught. He is a comfortable haven, once a week, from the ups and downs of the dating game. My steady relationship with him allows me to be both satiated and seeking – both single and ever-so-satisfied.