Big knickers and a colleges pair of scissors… by @MissSpecialSoph

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I was not sex prepared

Is it really that wrong that I stole my work colleges scissors from her draw, shoved them up my top, quickly made my way to the toilets and trimmed my lady garden while at work? I did clean them with hot water afterwards and replaced them the very same day? And, it was an emergency! I was not expecting a random text message asking me if I wanted a ‘lift home from work’! I was not sex prepared. Oh boy, I even had my full belly warmer knickers on too! I did try to cut them with the stolen scissors but the poor things couldn’t handle both jobs.

Do I smirk while she is using them at work…no, course not! I feel very sorry for my actions. Well kind of, as they did quite a good little job in the end and I think I need to award them little scissors with a bravery award and knowing the meaning of remaining 100% silent.

But really! I cannot be bothered to go to work everyday being body prepared for a sexual encounter just in case something pops up! I would be knackered even before I began a working day and who really thinks sexy thongs are comfortable while sitting on your bum for a full eight hours?

I normally stick to comfortable big knickers

Maybe if every other day I was jumped in the stationary cupboard by the office hunk while looking for a stapler then yes I can see the appeal but as the most I get, on a average day is Simon trying to lean over me and accidentally on purpose rubbing his belly on my face then I normally stick to comfortable big knickers and the warmth…and face wash!

So yes this text caught me out and I panicked just a tad! I do realise that I could have said no and I wasn’t forced into having a booty call but sometimes that word does slip [quote align="right" color="#999999"]them poor scissors[/quote] my vocabulary and mind. I was sat at work dressed the complete opposite of how I would be dressed if I was going to a fully prepared booty call and I had a choice to make. Of course I made the wrong choice and went for it…them poor scissors.

Looking back I made a super job down stairs and with the little I had in my handbag I improvised pretty well! Who knew that eyeliner can be an eye shadow, a lipstick can be a blusher and the perfume sample pages in magazines actually smell ok with a bit of rubbing! I might have looked like a sun burnt panda with a terrible skin rash but I thought I passed alright!

After all my efforts the outcome wasn’t anything to write home about and he did not appreciate my efforts. I think I could have got in the car in a wetsuit and smuggling a Jackson Five bush down stairs and he wouldn’t have cared. If there is a next time I will not make such an effort. I will even grow my body hair even longer just to spite him then on the next sex occasion I will just hand him some goggles and a hedge trimmer and tell him to knock himself out!

The things I do for men or sex sometimes!

Should I really be booty call prepared more often or just be comfortable and tell him to bog off till I am ready? Maybe I should put together a booty call emergency kit and keep it in my handbag so I am always ready to go? My kit could consist of;

  • Scissors – of course
  • Razor and shaving foam
  • Body cream
  • Fem Fresh wipes
  • Mints
  • Perfume
  • Make up
  • Clean knickers or a sexy lingerie set
  • Goggles and hedge trimmer – if the first two are forgotten

 

Might be a bit heavy? Cor that is a lot of effort to go too! I think I am too old for booty calls now and if you wish to have one with me then you need to make an appointment and give me at least 24 hours notice.

But then where is the fun in that…

Singles Warehouse

 

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Well I seem to go by the name 'Special' rather often and seems to follow me every where I go, even on here. Yes I will admit I can be a tad special at times or different, ether way I like to do things a little different from everyone else and that has landed me here... single for a VERY long time and writing about it, but hay that can't be bad! So, I am from the mighty UK, 29, an event co-ordinator and a writer too! I haven't done all the 'grown up' things yet, like passing my driving test, having a child, getting married, living alone... erm it does go on...but I will get there eventually, I hope! I hope you enjoy and come and say hi to the special girl!

10 Comments

  • April 16, 2012

    Singles Warehouse

    I’ll never look at scissors the same way again!

  • April 16, 2012

    Bellas Dating Woes

    Brilliant post – made me chuckle an awful lot. The kit you mentioned could be stashed in a draw at work and if [or when] it happens again, you’ll be prepared! p.s – you can’t ever be too old for booty calls – well, you can but you’re not!

  • April 16, 2012

    Miss Special Soph

    Singles Warehouse, you can borrow them if you wish? I am sure I can snatch (poor choice of words there) again?

    Bella – thank you! That is a very good idea and something I need to put into operation too! Good thinking Bat Man!

  • April 17, 2012

    La Petite Provocateur

    On the flip side, ever have one of the moments where you were expecting to get “a lift home from work,” anxiously prepared (trim the hedges, breakout the pretty matching lingerie set, lotion the lady parts and legs, whip on a fierce but not overtly sexy outfit)…and then NOT had the encounter come to fruition. For me, that’s equally disappointing. I mean, I shaved my legs for THIS?! Either way, LOVED your story. Thanks for sharing.

    xoxo
    La Petite Provocateur

  • April 17, 2012

    Miss Special Soph

    La Petite Provocateur I have been exactly there before! You could be wearing a bin liner and he wouldn’t notice! Mmm maybe that is my next post…thank you for the comment!

    • April 17, 2012

      Singles Warehouse

      You’ll have to post pictures of you in a bin liner…

  • April 18, 2012

    SingleInMy30s

    Is anyone else as impressed as I am how well you did with work scissors on the fly? Seriously. Kudos! :)

    I second Bellas Dating Woes’s suggestion to keep a kit stashed at work. It definitely is useful to have deodorant, toothbrush, gum/mints and extra panties…just in case.

    And yes, La Petite Provocateur, it is definitely disappointing to be super prepared and not get play. Pout.

  • April 18, 2012

    Miss Special Soph

    Thank you SingleInMy30s! Them little scissors done really well for just an average Joe pair! It is also very disappointing to be all prepared and he does not even notice! The kit will have to be made now and put in my draw at work!

  • [...] But a good bush can keep a woman warm at night! Plus I am the only one that see’s the mighty bush and if I know the bush is getting some company then yes I will get the hedge trimmer out, unless I am cut short (pun was intended) and then everyone should hide the scissors’ as we all know what happens then! [...]

  • March 15, 2014

    G Club

    Awesome article.