A Strip Tease, Remote Vibrator, and a Long Table Cloth… Ladies, It’s Time to Take Charge! by @QuickieChick

A Strip Tease, Remote Vibrator, and a Long Table Cloth... Ladies, It’s Time to Take Charge
ask the experts A Strip Tease, Remote Vibrator, and a Long Table Cloth... Ladies, It’s Time to Take Charge! by @QuickieChick

Have a feeling that your BF is cheating?

Have a feeling that your BF is cheating? Feel like a slight door mat in your relationship? It’s time to turn the tables and take charge! If you want to transform your relationship, sometimes all you have to do is infuse a little confidence. Even if you have to fake it…
Here’s what I did:

I was pretty sure that my BF had one foot out the door. I had become that whiny, annoying, needy, insecure girlfriend and I knew it. In fact, I kind of felt like I was pushing him to cheat. I mean really, why would he want to spend time with me when I didn’t even want to spend time with me- yes, I was that pathetic. More than pathetic, I was desperate. And desperate times call for desperate measures. I was going to do a strip tease!

Now, keep in mind that up until this point I was anything but a lingerie model blindfold 300x197 A Strip Tease, Remote Vibrator, and a Long Table Cloth... Ladies, It’s Time to Take Charge! by @QuickieChickand felt ridiculous (let alone fat and wholly unattractive) standing in front of my boyfriend clad in a matchy-matchy bra and panty set. I was the girl who would take off her clothes with her back turned, then jump under the covers before he had a chance to notice my imperfections. I was never on top during sex because my breasts were (in my opinion) too small and defeated the purpose of girl-on-top being a sexy position. I dreaded doggie style because I just knew that my butt (yes, I am a butt girl.. in that I AM a butt girl) was bouncing and mushing, which I am positive is anything but a turn on. To shield my boyfriend from baring witness to my flawed physique I opted for the plain, simple, and boring (especially when that is all you do) missionary style sex. Yeah, I am sure I was just a thrill in the sack!

SO, in other words, a strip tease was a very bold move for me. But, like I said, I was desperate, so I took the bull by the horns, bought a strip tease video for non-strippers to master a few moves (did I forget to mention that I had never been to a strip club and, out of sheer insecurity, forbid all previous boyfriends from entering one under my watch) and got to work on the choreography. Oh no, this was not going to be your average off-the-cuff nudie show; I was taking this job seriously- as I always do as a self-professed workaholic. I scoured the music stores in search of the perfect song to accompany my dance solo, then eight-counted out the steps that would (once memorized and practiced to perfection) add up to an unbelievably sexy number. After work and on weekends I had 2-hour rehearsals scheduled in order to make my moves second nature- nerves were not going to mess up my performance! Of course I needed a costume to compliment my dance, so I researched lingerie shops and stores that sold stripper shoes and accessories. After visiting a half dozen boutiques (many of which had blacked-out windows and required an ID for entrance), I had the outfit- a black and red bra and panty set with ties on the sides that, when the ribbons were pulled, acts like a quick-release string that instantly forces you to drop trou, plus fishnet thigh highs and 6-inch red patent leather heels, all topped off with a school girl skirt fastened with a single strip of Velcro and a midriff-baring, body-clenching white button-up top (hey, it worked for Britney).

But I wasn’t stopping there. This show was going to have multiple acts. I went online and researched sex toys. I was definitely not into the dildos. Just the idea of stuffing some static rubber dick inside me seemed pointless when I had a perfectly good penis that moved and was attached to my boyfriend. What I was looking for was something with a little extra personality, something that could add to the entirety of the evening, not just the sex scene. Vibrating panties controlled by a wireless remote. Perfect!

One week before the extravaganza I started to fill in the details. First I left a love note in his car that read:
“Hey Handsome,
Today I am in charge (you can take me out the next night).
Be ready to be mine at 5pm.
I am going to blow your mind.
xx,
me”

There are two reasons to write a card like that one week before the actual event:
1)    You are now locked in and you can’t chicken out. He is expecting something big and you have to deliver… no matter how much stage fright you feel before the big day.
2)    With a card like that coming from a non-initiating girlfriend like me, my BF was thrilled that I was, for once, calling the shots. He begged for details, he even got me drunk in an attempt to make me spill it, but I held back. Anticipation is an extremely potent foreplay tool.

The next day another note greeted him in his medicine cabinet next to his toothbrush:
“Babe,
My lips are sealed… for now.
I can’t wait until this weekend!
xx,
me”

With my guy anxiously awaiting the inevitable sex romp, I had more details to tend to and I had it planned out to the smallest detail.

My to-do list included:
-An over-sized fortune cookie for the final day
-An appropriate hotel for the occasion
-A restaurant with long linens on the table for dinner
-Scavenger hunt locations
-Boxes for the fortune cookie and remote control
-Décor for the room
-Going out outfit

FORTUNE COOKIE
I called local Chinese food restaurants and found one that sold oversized, chocolate-dipped fortune cookies with just enough room on the side to slip a personalized fortune in. I put in my order with a fortune reading:

“Good Morning Sexy! At exactly 5pm go to your car. Bring one overnight bag and a change of clothes for an evening on the town.
xx,
me”

HOTEL
I couldn’t think of a hotel room that would be fitting for the occasion. I didn’t want an elegant setting for our raunchy romp, but I also didn’t want to sleep in a roach motel. I remembered flipping through the “best of” issue of Los Angeles Magazine a few months back and reading that the best place to have an affair was a hotel called “The Farmer’s Daughter.” That was exactly what I wanted. A place that was sexy sleazy.

RESTAURANT
The restaurant was my next priority. Because I wanted every detail of my extravaganza to be filled with fireworks, I needed to find a restaurant that had booths and long linens draping down the sides of the table. Why? Who said the foreplay had to start in the bedroom? I needed my outstretched arm and hand, reaching for his zipper under the table, to be concealed and, just in case I got really frisky and incredibly daring, I didn’t want the other patrons to be privy to my going down- if but only for a few innocent little licks. I am sure the hostess was confused when I would call and say, “Hi do you have anything available between 7 and 9 pm and do you have long table clothes?” There was invariably a pause before the answer. I finally found one restaurant that met my requirements. This night was getting more and more interesting by the minute.

SCAVENGER HUNT
Figuring out the scavenger hunt was next. Since I am a big believer in both experiences and tangible gifts, I knew I had to give my BF an actual gift. He had been eying a certain pair of shoes for months, but never liked to spend much money on himself, so I called the store and asked for the manager who was working the evening of my event, then gave him my credit card number to put on file. The store was part of a mall, and each store had a number- like an address- which was ideal for a scavenger hunt in order to avoid giving away the name. The manager had a great stripper name, something like Angel or Magic, only adding to the effect of “Go to —– address, #—-, and ask for Angel.” Angel or Magic agreed to give my director his next address- to a florist a few blocks from Farmer’s Daughter where he would pick up one rose for me and be handed the next address- this time to the hotel.

DÉCOR
Since the theme was sexy sleazy (though leaning on the sleazy side at this point) I selected a lava light, animal print and red heart pillows, mini hanging mirrors and red silk sheets- sheets are a must, you never know what lurks in those beds.

OUTFIT
I had planned to do the strip tease after dinner in order to take full advantage of alcohol’s emotional lubrication and instant confidence-boosting effects, so I needed to wear something that would easily slip over my schoolgirl outfit without looking too bulky. I found a fitted trench coat that could pass as a dress, with a flattering cinched waist. Because my red patent leather shoes could give it all away, I decided that I would slip on another pair and just do a post-dinner quick change before my performance began.

The day had finally arrived

The day had finally arrived and I had my day’s checklist in hand in order to ensure that my grand plan would go off without a hitch. As to plan, I slept over at my BF’s house the night before and, before sneaking off to work in the morning I placed the fortune cookie on his nightstand. A few hours later, when my guy finally decided to wake up my cell phone rang with an enlivened voice on the other end “Can we get started right now? Or do I really have to wait until 4?” I don’t think I have ever heard so much enthusiasm in my boyfriend’s voice. At least not when it came to me. Because this day was carefully scripted, even a half hour early or late would throw off the plan so, “no, you have to wait until exactly 5. Not a minute earlier!” I responded, shocked by my unfamiliar authoritative tone, which, even more surprisingly, he unequivocally respected.

At 4 pm I left my office and headed for the hotel to set up the décor and emotionally prepare myself for the night. Butterflies were wildly flapping their wings in my insides and I knew that they were going nowhere until the entire evening was successfully completed. Instead of fruitlessly attempting to fight the frantic fluttering I harnessed the energy and used it as fuel to force my sexual self out from hiding. I dressed the room with red and leopard print, dimmed the lights and filled the air with the scent of ylang ylang scented candles (a natural aphrodisiac) and the sounds of jazzy tunes. I could feel the stress of perfection stiffening my body- not good for the sexual charge that I had to conjure the moment my man arrived. But I was prepared for that. I slipped off my clothes and draped a silk robe over my shoulders, feeling the fabric slither along my skin began to awake my senses. To expedite the relaxation process (I am all about quick fixes if they work) I poured myself a glass of wine, sat back and allowed myself to be seduced by the environment that I created. With just enough alcohol to act as an emotional lubricant and with 30 minutes before curtain call, I stood in front of the mirror and watched myself as I slipped into my slinky bra and vibrating panties then carefully pulled my thigh-highs up my legs, fastening them with a black lace garter belt. I looked and felt seriously sexy AND five pounds lighter (thanks to my strenuous rehearsal schedule). My schoolgirl outfit was beyond naughty with the lingerie peeking out beneath.

I counted down the minutes before my guy’s arrival and then, the knock at the door…

This was it. It was time to lure my sexual diva out to play. I covered up with my overcoat and, taking a cue from our earlier conversation, embodied an authoritative persona. “Well hello there handsome,” I purred as I opened the door. I deliberately allowed him to quickly peak inside before- just to give him a glimpse of what our night was promising to bring, before pushing him out and saying with a commending yet playful tone: “Let’s go. You drive, I’ll direct.” He had this silly take-me-I’m-yours puppy dog grin on his face and he absolutely could not take his eyes off of me. I directed him down a few blocks before, at a red light, I handed him a little box. “What’s this?” he questioned. “I don’t know. Open it.” I responded with a grin. Inside was a little black remote control. Confused, he pushed the “on” button and I started to vibrate. I made the moans and he knew he had control, though, due to my attitude, I still held the reins. He slipped his hand under my skirt to confirm that I was really vibrating. But, that was all I allowed him to get as I pulled his hand away and placed it back on the steering wheel. I clearly meant business and he, ahem, clearly, liked my new attitude.

He drove like an attentive puppy- constantly looking over at me to see if I was doing something that he should be aware of, yet with so much enthusiasm that he was nearly losing control and seemed to slightly swerve into the other lanes every few blocks. “Slow down.” I barked, then gave him a sly smile. He joltingly slowed to a stop right in front of the valet.

The reservation was under my name, just to reinforce that I was in charge tonight. We were escorted to our table, a booth in the corner draped with long red table cloths. My smile widened. We were seated, handed the menus and, as soon as the waiter came over to take our orders my director decided that it was his turn to have a little control. I opened my mouth to order just as I began to silently vibrate. I giggled. My waiter had no idea about the good time that was being had under the table. After a few teasing pulses, my panties were switched off. It’s hard to maintain a conversation with a vibrator penetrating you at the point of your g-spot. But it was time for me to take back the reins so, as soon as our waiter walked away, I allowed my hand to wander down to my guy’s leg. I squeezed his thigh then dragged my fingers up to the bulge that was now protruding from his pants. Then I returned my hand to the table top and asked him how his day was. The sommelier arrived carrying our selected bottle of wine. Booze were definitely in order- emotional lubrication you know. With the glass of wine in my right, my left hand again ventured down below my guy’s belt, this time I unzipped his pants. After a few seconds of play he decided to join, switching on my panties. The food arrived and we hadn’t even touched our wine. After scarfing down my dinner, I “accidentally” dropped my napkin. When I went down to pick it up, I couldn’t help but take my man in my mouth. A swirl of the tongue and I sat back up, napkin in hand. This dance continued through dessert, until FINALLY the check arrived and it was time for the next act.

We arrived to the hotel. I directed my BF to sit on the bed, I had a present for him in the bathroom and would be right back. The remote control for the stereo was in the bathroom waiting for me. I closed the door, changed into my stripper heels, slipped off my vibrating panties and replaced them with the match to my bra, touched up my makeup, turned off the bathroom light, and pushed “play.” My song was blaring. It was my cue. I strut my stuff over to my starting position against the wall and slowly began to grind. My boyfriend’s jaw was on the floor, he wasn’t blinking, he looked completely shocked. Hip swing 1,2,3, turn around, right hand on waist, left hand on left ass cheek lifting up skirt, slide hand up to waist, pull apart Velcro, skirt falls, kick into air, fall into splits, roll onto back, arch up with head, but and feet on floor, etc….. Three minutes and 20 seconds into my dance and one minute to go was when the lap dance began. It was slow, deliberate and intoxicatingly sexy. I didn’t allow my eyes to leave his for the entire minute. When my dance ended I was sitting in his lap, his pants were unzipped and he was unable to wait any longer. We made the most passionate, connected love that night. Yes, it was dirty and wild, but it was also sweet as our bodies moved completely in tune with each other. As soon as we were done, I jumped up and said, in my old Laurel voice, “so did you like it? Was my dance good? Oh my God I was so nervous.” His face dropped, his smile melted and he said, “wait a second, what happened to the new, strong and sexy Laurel. Come back to her.” At that moment it clicked. I was strong, sexy, and powerful. I had finally liberated that side of me from my depths and then, in one sentence, I forced her back inside. I liked the strong me more than I did the meek, and so did he. Without taking a beat I jumped back into character, his smile returned and we both basked in our afterglow.

He viewed me as a sexier, more confident woman.

The next day our relationship was different. He viewed me as a sexier, more confident woman. And so did I. In the end, our relationship fizzled. I believe that, after a year of being weak, insecure and just plain annoying, the damage had already been done. But I learned a valuable lesson thanks to that one empowering night. I am a beautiful, sexy, strong and powerful woman… and not only in the bedroom.

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  • wp socializer sprite mask 32px A Strip Tease, Remote Vibrator, and a Long Table Cloth... Ladies, It’s Time to Take Charge! by @QuickieChick
  • wp socializer sprite mask 32px A Strip Tease, Remote Vibrator, and a Long Table Cloth... Ladies, It’s Time to Take Charge! by @QuickieChick
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At 23 I left the corporate world to work for myself, basically getting paid to be me and do what I love. It also gave me the opportunity to explore who I am and who I want to be. At 32 I reinvented myself, a mid-course correction that was a seriously scary, but necessary life changer. Never looked back... My name is Laurel House and I’m a relationship mentor and lifestyle author, expert, personal trainer and the “QuickieChick.” No, not the late night booty call kind of quickie, my "quickies" are all about making the most out of every moment- whether it’s a saddlebag-burning “Quickie Workout in Bed,” a metabolism-boosting “Bites with Benefits” meal, or how to get a $150 spa-quality skin peel out of a $1 tomato and lemon at-home Refrigerator Facial. My YouTube videos have received over 7 million views and now you can get even more Quickie Tips in my new book “QuickieChick’s Cheat Sheet to Life, Love, Food, Fitness, Fashion and Finance on a Less than Fabulous Budget” (St. Martin’s, May 2012).

9 Comments

  • Reply April 10, 2012

    Bellas Dating Woes

    Wow! That is incredibly sexy! I’ll take note of this!
    It was a night of passion, fun, excitement and control and I don’t see why or how you would be ‘in character’ for the rest of the relationship. Surely it’s sexier to have two sides, the real you and you in character – you never know when another night like that will come around again?

    • Reply April 10, 2012

      QuickieChick

      You’re totally right! What’s great about creating a character like that, is that it’s really a side of you that you just need to strengthen a little, faking the confidence until you are finally comfortable embodying it. It takes some practice, and that’s the fun part! I have had many nights like that since… xx

  • Reply April 10, 2012

    Jeff Turner

    I agree that the strong and sexy part is what you needed the build up and attention to detail was for you more then for him though. Most guys would have been fine with just the strip tease and taking control, of course that part might of help with you gaining some control. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years for this same reason. Confidence is the #1 aphrodisiac in my mind and lack of it is a real killer.

  • Reply April 10, 2012

    SingleInMy30s

    The power of confidence! It’s a beautiful and VERY sexy thing. So glad that you found it, regardless of the long-term outcome of the relationship. Taking notes about the intense strip tease rehearsal…perhaps the extra prep will allow me to feel less silly and uncertain when I don the outfits and dare the dances. ;-) Loved this!

  • Reply April 10, 2012

    Coach Steph

    I hope that people realize that being sexy and confident can also be evident without the sex.

    Bravo on your realization…great share. Xoxo…

  • Reply April 11, 2012

    Emma

    WOW what an exceptional read. I loved everything about it. I am definitely going to have to try this one. I’ve been with my husband for 8 year now, married for 3….and it’s NEVER too late to spice things up.

    Thanks Laurel xx

  • [...]  Read QuickieChick’s 1st Steamy Article Here [...]

  • Reply April 20, 2012

    Marrie

    Love, Love,Love it! I hope women hear your message and take action! Confidence is the sexiest attribute a man or woman can have. I’m guessing this post will do more to motivate women than any shot of tequila ever could. Thank you for sharing.

    • Reply April 21, 2012

      Jonathan

      I love it also. I hope women take not. I like the idea of ‘being made’ to feel like I’m the winner. It’s true. It does go both ways.

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