I have never been able to fully embrace this idea myself because of my own social anxiety issues but I think there is a tremendous amount of untapped potential in recognizing the possibility that you can just be dating people. You don’t have to commit the rest of your life to them you just have to sit down and make some interesting small talk over dinner or coffee.
Free food/drinks. Some people may call this using someone but I call it strategic. As a woman I will not always be able to flirt my way to free things. Now is the best time to take advantage of a somewhat sexist system. Most people still think a man should pay for the first date so go out and get some free dinners. Sometimes you’ll find someone you actually like and in all the other cases you’ll get some good grub. The caveat to this is you should probably pick the restaurant to ensure you are using this benefit to its full potential.
Someone to get dressed up for. While I am a firm believer in the idea that you should look pretty for yourself, let’s face it, it is a lot more fun to dress up when someone is going to tell you look pretty. Dating is your personal validation service….so use it. Be sure to return the favor. If someone compliments you find a way to compliment them sometime in the near future; don’t always do it immediately after though because then it looks like you’re just saying it because you have to.
Testing all your flirting skills. If you’re an avid reader of singles warehouse blogs you have probably learned a lot about how to act, what to where, what to say, and importantly how to flirt. This is all fine and dandy but if you aren’t using it then it’s not worth much. Consider dates your experiments. Try new things, flip your hair, smile, or follow any other advice you’ve ever heard. If it doesn’t work just go ahead and cross it off the list of things you’ve been meaning to try. Every date is a testing ground and a learning experience if you are willing to let your guard down just a little.
Finding what you DON’T want. Dating is great for weeding people out. I am very much a negator, by which I mean I don’t ever really know what I want but I have a pretty good idea of what I don’t know. While I had never, until this year, been one to actively play the field I always have found a way to string a few boys along via email, texting or facebook. This has given me a vague idea of some of the qualities I could really do without, e.g. the constant texter. Maybe you’re not sure if you could see yourself with someone who is super into sports or someone who is super into cats, going a few dates with them will help make this confusion disappear.
The beauty of casual dating lies in its unique ability to be fulfilling but simultaneously it doesn’t require you to put yourself on the line. You can experiment without being vulnerable. That being said you need to draw your own boundaries when it comes to how casual you want to be. And importantly, you need to be honest with whoever you may be dating as early as possible. You don’t want to be in an unequal relationship with anyone
By Ruthless Romantic
Check out her own first date stories at cupidranoutofarrows.tumblr.com