What an awful, yet familiar, situation I saw this weekend. Out I was spending my wage on deliciously useless stuff when I saw, in the changing rooms of Republic, a desperate looking young man helping his female friend to shop. I had to laugh as I caught glimpses of her prancing around so he could shower her with compliments, flashing him a very rude cleavage and cheeky bits of thigh. I should probably explain why this situation was so awful; firstly this poor boy was blatantly in love with his ‘friend’, secondly, his friend knew it.
I’ve seen it many times before, and ashamed to admit I used to be that girl, keeping her ‘best man friend’ on a leash because she hated being lonely and boyfriend-less. I know the girl was single because I totally earwigged on their conversation, took me fifteen minutes just to try on a dress. Also, I know he was in love with her because I heard the words ‘Oh my God, you’re so beautiful’ about twenty times. He also told the lady working in the fitting rooms that he was her ‘straight best friend’. Well, I was ready to slash my wrists right then and there.
This was the kind of thing I did about seven years ago, when I thought I was the size of Free Willy with a nose bigger than Jupiter. My best guy friend would do anything for me, reassure me, and make me feel good about myself. He was only saying these things because he wanted to go out with me, yet I was very good at pretending I didn’t know. Playing the ignorant is what most girls do in this situation. But it was wrong, I see that now, there was no way I was going to go out with him, yet I knowingly strung him a long for years. The turd really hit the fan one day when he couldn’t take it anymore and begged, even offered to pay, for me to be his girlfriend. What had I done?!
The reason I’m writing this blog is to tell any girl in the same boat to BACK OFF. Just to get your kicks when you’re feeling down is not worth breaking a boy’s heart. And I know a lot of it’s to do with the attention, yes, us girls do like the attention, this is just a fact that would be silly to deny. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, guys are the same, it’s a natural part of the human set-up to want to be noticed. But there are other, and healthier ways, of getting that much needed attention. For those reading this who do have male friends, yet are unsure whether he likes you, look out for these clues:
If he’s texting you – even if you don’t text him back – more than ten times a day with messages like – ‘Hey! Wow I’m bored, what you up to?’ or ‘I’m glad I’ve got you as a friend, I feel I can tell you anything.’
If he tries talking you out of fancying a guy without any reason other than ‘I just get a bad feeling about him.’
If he offers to help you shop and carries all your clothes as you look through the rails, and constantly tells you you’re beautiful, well, then the guy is in LOVE with you. Or at least he’ll think he is.
It may be hard, ladies, but just take a minute to think about it. You say he’s your best friend but he’s not, is he? He probably peeves you off more than anything else, with his texts and calls only annoying you unless you need him for something.
The sight I saw this weekend was so depressingly heart-breaking that I had to write about it. I even saw the couple later on in the New Look shoe department, the guy actually got on his hands and knees to take off and put on shoes that she’d had him go get for her. I was so close to going over and telling him to give it up, only disaster and many tears, on your part, is at the end of this journey, my friend! I don’t want to be cruel but this was Yorkshire’s equivalent of Quasimodo trying to win his Esmerelda. All she needed was some bangles and a tambourine to bang on her hips and even I would’ve felt a little Quasimodo in her presence. What was she playing at!
Finally, if you are a single female with one of these ‘best friends’ then stop it now, because they’re totally sabotaging you’re chance of bagging a boyfriend. Guys don’t generally like having evils thrown at them by some odd looking person claiming to be your best friend. Get out now before any more damage can be done!
Peace and love from your Yorkshire Monkey x
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