The two conversation rule: the one you’re having, and the one he thinks you’re having by @amyecharles

21 Nov 2011

by Yorkshire Monkey

Have you ever had a conversation with a guy only to feel like he isn’t hearing a word you say? I’m not on about when he’s playing Xbox and you’re trying to speak to him, when as far as he’s concerned you’re not even in the room. No, what I mean is a little different. Lets say ages ago I was seeing this guy. He was kind, sweet, nice (perhaps too nice), and early on I fancied the pants off him. A couple of weeks – and vodkas – later, I ended up getting him back to my flat and doing the dirty. (Just going to slip in a pretty vital lesson here ladies; stay away from guys who big themselves up in the bedroom department. That is, of course, you don’t mind pointing out half way through that his member is actually stuck between your thigh and the mattress. No, sorry love, it’s nowhere near my vagina). After that night, well, more during, I realized there was no way in hell it was going to work.

So how do you get yourself out of that, you might ask? Well, I came out with all sorts; ‘I’m not ready for anything serious,’ ‘we’re just in different places right now’, not wanting to hurt the guy too much – a girls most dangerous weakness I’ve found! When I said this he nodded, smiled, and practically agreed with me, yet later that night would bombard me with texts asking to take me out. It went on for a bit till I couldn’t handle it anymore, I even started screaming at my phone -

‘What’s wrong with you?! Why aren’t you listening!!’

That’s when I realized something about men (most men). They appear to suffer with a little thing called ‘selective hearing.’ Basically, they only hear what they want to. No matter how many times you say you don’t want a relationship, all he’ll hear is – ‘You’re marvelous, a god, I actually want your babies. Wait for me and I will be yours.’ Honestly, a man’s ego can do pretty curious things to it’s owner. The amount of times a bloke made out he understood our conversation, then get to the end and say -

‘That’s fine, this is how it should be now, who knows what could happen later?’

Noooo!! Trust me, you incompetent melon, I KNOW NOW there will be NO LATER. I couldn’t believe this guy. It got so bad with him that I had no choice but to be honest (not that honest). Awful as it is girls, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet; ‘I don’t like you, we have nothing in common, so stop wasting your time.’ It was the only thing that worked. For a while anyway.

When girls are nice to a guy they get accused of leading him on (ok, granted, I shouldn’t have had sex with him. But I made no promises and I was drunk! How could he even think it was good anyway?!), so don’t be scared in telling a guy you don’t like him, at all, in anyway shape or form, if that’s how you feel. Men don’t exactly hold back in telling us how they feel. One of my ex’s dumped me because, and I quote, he wasn’t attracted to me anymore and found me boring. Nice.

I know many girls, including myself, who are are a touch flirty by nature. Fair enough. It’s these girls who get told to ‘be careful’ in case guys get the wrong idea. Excuse me? Guys aren’t particularly renown for being careful in their behavior to us. No, I say be yourself. Unless you don’t mind being standoffish to the entire male race, just so they know you don’t want to ride them like a Blackpool donkey. If a girl misunderstands a guy she gets laughed at for ‘reading into signs’, yet gets blamed if it’s the other way around? Woah, sorry, I do seem to be going off on a rant. I’m not a man hater, I promise!

It’s not our fault if a guy starts picking out engagement rings because you said Hi. Just tell him straight, if it ever gets to that point. ‘I’m not attracted to you and I think you’re boring.’ Certainly stopped me talking to my ex EVER again.

Peace and love from your Yorkshire Monkey x

Follow Amy Charles on Twitter at this address -

http://twitter.com/#!/amyecharles

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Yorkshire Monkey

Born and raised in West Yorkshire. Day of birth – 6th November 1989. Related to loving and kind people, but perhaps a little insane – during my three years studying English Literatire and Creative Writing Dad thought she was doing a degree in reading and drawing pretty letters. ‘Writing letters creativley’ were his words. Calligrahpy is what he meant, but alas, this is a subject I did NOT partake in. Studied at Lancaster University, where I met many wonderful people. Very lucky to find another who obsessed over Jane Austen as much. Only had three jobs in my twenty-one years of life, all working as a waitress, which is also my current job. Being able to carry five glasses in one hand is a rare talent, apparently… Other than this I am an avid admirer of the visual arts and love to write poetry. In my spare time you will catch me painting, sketching, writing or taking photos. When I have spare time of course, serving people food I can’t afford to buy myself has taken over most things, along with volunteering. I have done more volunteering than I care to admit, currently I am on a specialist placement at the Theatre Royal in my home town.

My parents believe I find it hard to accept working for actual money.