Going from friends to something more
Meeting people without the aid of Singles Warehouse is undoubtedly difficult. Breaking the ice without a substantial amount of vodka is nearly impossible, unless you are one of those naturally gregarious people who has no trouble meeting anyone anywhere. As such, we tend to meet people in groups or through mutual friends. Theoretically this is fantastically optimal. You can learn about someone without having to be alone with them. If you realize 5 minutes in you are not compatible with their movie taste you don’t have to finish dinner you can just casually move along. There is no obligation to tell them you aren’t interested you just met, right? PERFECTION….except what if you do like them? Maybe you are totally compatible with their movie taste (and you find their accent really hot…personal deets). Now what? How do we cross the line from friend of a friend to friends with something more?
How to become friends to something more
Step 1: Social networking is popular for a reason use it. Worst-case scenario you’ll sit in Facebook purgatory for a while and eventually forget the person ever even existed. Best-case scenario they will immediately accept your friend request and message you saying they want to date you (disclaimer: results may vary). This also gives you a chance to do some light creeping, aka double check they are single, confirm their music/movie tastes, see what kinds of things their friends put on their wall (and if you want to get really creepy- look at all their pictures from high school onwards to get a feel for who they are and then stalk on all the people that write on their wall). The point is this is an easy way of getting in contact with someone that is direct but not explicit in terms of its intentions.
Step 2: If you meet while intoxicated (no judgment), you need to test the sober waters before move to from friends to something more. It’s really easy to fall in love with someone you met drunk because honestly you don’t remember half the things they said to begin with. You can actually mold the person to be whatever you want, unfortunately the person in your head might not be the person you actually met. Find a low-key social event that will allow you to hang out without mass amounts of booze; allow me to clarify, this does not mean you can’t have wine or beer, just keep it classy.
Another key to this is possibly keeping the hang out in a small group. Include the mutual friends you have, but keep it small. This is critical to step 3.
Step 3: If you confirm you like this person while you are sober it is time to initiate plan: hang out alone. You have two options here:
1. You are already out with a small group; find a way to get rid of everyone else in the group. This is a lot easier if you inform the group leader (every group has one) that you might try to do this. They can arrange an alternate activity for everyone else and you can get your alone time in. Just make sure this isn’t super obvious because that can be really awkward.
2. Suggest some activity that involves your mutual interests. If you’re lucky, you’re interests will involve some kind of free quirky event that you have to go to because it’s once a year (like a mustache festival). Really the key is to find an event that is grounded on a specific day because it makes it more imperative to attend.
Step 4: Evaluate what you want post hang out session. Remember if you met this person through a group there are obviously going to be ramifications depending on your decision. Don’t make this choice for anyone else but keep it in mind as you are weighing your options. If you like them, go for it. If you don’t, hey you started out as friends of a friend now you can just be acquaintances.
By Ruthless Romantic
Check out her own transitions from friends to something more at Cupidranoutofarrows.tumblr.com