Everyone gets broken up with. Don’t ever believe those people who tell you they have never had someone break up with them. Break ups are horrible there is really no other way to put it, but they offer this unique time when you can do some self-reflection and have an excuse to drink more than you should. However, as with every problem in life there are guidelines for this. Here are mine:
1. Don’t be afraid to cry a little.
Even if you only went on 3 dates (personal experience here), when something ends it hurts. It is this weird feeling of rejection and you have absolutely no control over it. You can’t fix it now all you can do is live with it. Don’t tell yourself you can’t have emotions because you are strong. Crying will make you feel better; it is a fact.
2. Do not blow off plans.
Sometimes break-ups come at bad times and you just want to curl up in bed. I said you could cry but don’t abandon your social life entirely. Nobody moves on when they spend days in bed with Ben and Jerry. Go out with your real friends. Drink some wine and talk about how horrible your most recent boy/girl thing was. Or don’t talk about them at all because the more wine you have in you the more you will want to remember the “good old days.”
3. Do not reminisce.
It will only make you sadder. Thinking about your first kiss or the first time you said you loved him/her will drive you insane. On that note, do not try and figure out the “moment” things changed. You will end up replaying a lot of good and bad memories and it really will not change anything, unless you have a time machine in which case you should share it.
4. Get angry.
Your therapist may not endorse this method but I do. Sometimes it is easier to deal with feeling bad about yourself when you bring down whoever made you feel bad. Find every flaw in your once beloved. Convince yourself that you deserve better (you do). It is ok to spend a few days resenting this person who hurt you; however, anything beyond a few days becomes detrimental because you need to be positive and moving forward.
5. Stay positive after the hate week goes by.
You are allowed to spend a week moping, as long as you do it with friends and wine, but after that you need to get back up. You are amazing. I don’t even know you but I do know this, you will find someone better because you deserve something better. However, you will NOT find this person at the bottom of a bag of Doritos. You need to be willing to try again if you want to move on. This is when being on a dating website comes in handy. You have so many possibilities who are just waiting for you. You don’t have to get all done up and go to a bar, you can take it slowly. You can do it at your own pace but try not to let yourself spend too much time regretting things.
The most important thing to take out of this is that you really will be okay. You are always okay. Second most important, it is ok to have emotions about these things. This means you can cry, stomp your feet, eat a lot of ice cream, and drink your feelings away (a few times), but you need to get back up and try again. This is not an excuse to give up. You’re wonderful and it’s time to let the rest of the world know.